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Forgive the wait, and the inaccuracies. It is a fantasy world, after all.
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August 7th, 1861
“Lift it higher.” Phil said without looking as he lit the cigarette dangling from his lips. He heard her only give a noise in frustration in return. “If you want me to stop saying it, you should follow direction.” He took a long drag as the cold dawn air froze the tip of his nose, the deep violets of the morning sky mixed with the tangerine of the sun on the horizon line behind them both.
Jane tried to steady her shallow breaths as her hand shook, the metal in her hand unbearably cold as the air circulated around it. How could anyone stand to do this? “I’m trying.” she whispered to him, hoping he wouldn’t hear. She lifted her trembling arm, and tried to adjust it to her line of sight.
The can sitting on the decrepit wooden fence laughed at her plight. She smoothed her trigger finger over the lever of the small handgun, hesitant to hear the loud echoing the bullets would cause in the air. She felt her heart squeezing in her chest as she prepared to fire, unprepared for what it would mean if it was ever another person on the end of the barrel.
He exhaled and looked up just as she began to lower her arm to her side once more. Defeatist sighs left her lips, turning to condensation against the chill surrounding them. His own frustration peaked; he cleared his mouth. “You have to stop being afraid of it. It’s just a fucking gun.”
His emotionless words weakened the resolve she thought she was building. It had been over a week now, and she wasn’t getting any better. Why couldn’t she do as he said? How simple could it be? Didn’t she want this? Had she wasted everyone’s time? After Wesley had been kind enough to comply with her wishes, and Phil woke up every morning to teach her. “I’m sorry…” She muttered to him, knowing he wouldn’t care for her apology.
He groaned at her meekness, rolling his eyes as he thanked God. The early morning was turning to day, and without the protection of night, their session had to end. Losing the struggle with his impatience, he walked up behind her as she held the gun loosely. Keeping the cigarette between his lips—he gripped her left shoulder—straightening her back against him.
Her lips parted in shock as he touched her, forcing her arm to lift in line with the rusted can once more. She felt his breath on her ear as the smell of smoke circled her nostrils. She felt his warm palm over the back of her hand as he pressed his trigger finger over hers. She closed her eyes in fear as he squeezed twice, the echoings of bullets colliding with aluminium vibrated between them.
He felt her body tense in his arms as the shots pierced the quiet of the surrounding desert. He held still as he saw her eyes still shut tight. Being nice, giving her time to adjust wasn’t working. “Open your eyes Jane.” He demanded as she trembled, knowing she was afraid, but if she didn’t confront it, it would always control her.
He saw her hesitate, her eyelashes touched the freckles beneath her eyes as they fluttered open. He squeezed her shoulder and angled it back towards his body. He lowered his hand to her waist and gently led her hips to turn as he pressed her right foot forward with his own. He stood them still for a moment, making sure her positioning was correct before he ordered her on. He tried not to notice the warmth of her hip as she continued to tremble. He quickly removed the cigarette and stepped on it as he moved his hand back to her hip. “Tell me something that calms you?”
She gave a shaky breath as her nerves fought her fiercer than when she had tried to fire on her own. His touch was causing her heart to beat twice as fast. She felt no demand, no insinuation of wanting to take from her what she wouldn’t offer, and that made her want to give it to him. As his hand readjusted on her body, his fingers brushed her stomach as he held her up. She tried to answer him, “I-I don’t know.”
“Something that soothes you.” He said quickly, evening his voice as he kept her grip level with her shoulder. Was her breath coming faster?
She could only think of one thing, and she was missing it in their new desert home. “Gardening.” She said quietly to him, missing the smells of the soil and the happiness seeing blooming buds stirred. But the sun and the earth were different here than in Louisiana. The desert was ever changing, and unforgiving. Nothing other than cacti seemed to survive for long.
He let out a judgemental chuckle. Just when he thought she couldn’t get any more kind and doe-eyed, she took it a step further. “Jesus kid, gardening?” Did she know what guns were for? “You really want to think about daisies and shit every time you shoot someone?”
She shifted uncomfortably in his arms; the wind picked up around them. “I wouldn’t have said anything bahis siteleri if I knew you would laugh.” She said softly in embarrassment as he quieted.
He shook his head. This wasn’t for her. He doubted greatly that she would ever find the will to protect herself like she wished, and if she did—how would she cope with taking a life? “Why do you want to do this anyway? Don’t you have something else you want to do?”
She lifted her shoulders in confusion, “There’s nothing else I can do. I can’t do what I want like you can, or protect myself like Ambassador Porter, and Lieutenant Winnie…he—” She cut herself off, wanting to let go of the weapon as she found her hopelessness again. Suddenly, she was in that moment again, smelling the whiskey on his breath as she tried to find the strength to cry out for help. He had curled his lips against her and threatened her, brandishing his gun if she dared to plead for help. She had done nothing. She could do nothing. Powerlessness was not a void she wanted to feel again. “It was so easy for her to defend me. I want to be able to do that for myself.”
He shut his mouth, recognizing her motives. They all had a moment that had brought them to be comfortable with the violence that could become a talent. He felt her squeeze harder on the trigger as she recounted the attack, raising his own temperature. Never would he understand men who took pleasure in unwilling women. With Jane, knowing how young she was in comparison to them all, it had hardly been a fair fight. He felt her straighten her back on her own accord. “Alright—gardening.” he said finally as she looked up at him briefly.
She closed her eyes briefly as she felt regret pouring out. She knew the signs of inferiority she gave caused his jaw to tick in irritation. Everytime he spoke it was clear that he considered himself dominant in every situation, only relinquishing the reigns of his ego when he respected another’s presence. But she was only a simple slave, struggling to pretend she had control over her body when it was owned by another. “Sorry.” she said again as he raised her arm.
He held in a sigh. “Stop apologizing.” He let her finger go, allowing her to hold herself as his arms slipped away, only stopping her body from shaking. He noticed her squinting. “Not wise to shoot a gun with your eyes closed.” As she opened them, her mouth began to part as her eyes flickered up at him, he groaned. “Don’t.” He cut her off before she could utter her sorry again. “Take a breath.”
She followed his command and let her lungs expand as the chill air caused them to ache. She felt her palm vibrate from her movement; her throat dry as she thought about firing. More determined this time, she kept her word and thought of the sun on her back as she leaned over the flower bed at home, the freshly turned mound ready for the promises new seeds provided, giving nourishment in return. Before she knew it, a single shot rang, missing its target entirely. She let go of the trigger quickly, surprised by the recoil it gave and almost dropped it on the ground.
Phil lunged forward and caught it just as it began to slip. “Careful!” He shouted as he took a breath, thankful she hadn’t accidentally shot either of them. He removed the bullets and put it alongside his own loaded gun.
He saw her bright cheeks smiling wide as she stood in awe by what she had done. Her hand flew to her mouth as she covered it, ashamed of her mistake. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!” She looked down at her hands, and back to where her target can still sat on the fence, her blood pumping wildly as her heart pounded. She had done it, because of his advice she had been able to fire. It was only a matter of time until she would be able to properly aim.
Seeing the pride she had for herself for the first time, he felt himself smile, allowing her to be excited if only for a moment. Her brown eyes widened, her lips curved against her teeth as her freckles moved with her smile. A few of the tight curls in her deep ebony bun came loose as she turned over her shoulders to share the happiness her success gave her with him. He couldn’t wait to see how much joy actually hitting the target would give her.
***
Excited squeals sounded behind Eve as Jo came into the kitchen. Although she was always radiant, bursting with positivity, something behind her eyes told her she had come to find her for the sole purpose of relinquishing another rumour she had heard at Frank’s Salon. “Good morning Joan. Can you grab that tray please?” She motioned to the heavily stacked eggs, breakfast cakes, and ham on the bronze platter in front of her.
Jo rolled her eyes at them and pushed towards her, knowing she was trying to silence her. “Good morning, don’t you want to hear what I have to say?” As she met Eve’s look of warning, she grabbed the handles of the tray.
“Not if it’s something untrue.” She had a habit of relaying bad information concocted between wives that had nothing better to do. Although she had more sense than the rest of the Confederate spouses, she too canlı bahis siteleri could get caught in small town excitement.
She raised a brow to her, taking no offense. “Well, I know this one is true.”
“Okay,” she gave in, allowing her full attention. “what is it?”
She tried to think of where to begin. “Sally is pregnant, and apparently when Dr. Orvale told her John got so upset he shouted at them both. Apparently they haven’t slept together in months.” She looked for light behind Genevieve’s eyes, finding none. “Why are you not surprised?”
She sucked her teeth at her as she lifted a tray alongside her. “How do you know that’s true? It’s a little evil to spread lies about people.” She corrected her as she walked around her, not wanting their breakfast to get cold.
“Lonnie told me. You know they’re so close. I saw her this morning at the general store. Irving even said she came in asking for ways to…you know?” she whispered as she motioned to her stomach, balancing the tray.
“Jo.” she said in shock as she looked around. “That’s not funny.” Losing her child, on purpose or accidentally was far off limits for town gossip. No matter how vindictive of a person the subject could be.
Unashamed, she continued. “I just want you to know in case it gets around. There could be talk about who the daddy is. Meaning— ”
She turned around in anger and finished her statement for her. “Meaning they’ll think Wesley got her pregnant? Are you trying to hurt my feelings Jo? Why are you telling me this?”
She put the tray down, freeing her hands. “No, I just don’t want you to be blindsided when it starts. You know Lonnie’s mouth moves like a locomotive. I don’t want you to get upset at him, or me for that matter. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew it was going to hurt you.” She held her arms, trying to reassure her that she only had their friendship and her marriage in mind.
She thought for a moment, understanding her eagerness. But as she imagined Wesley touching Sally, and putting his child inside of her, she could only feel sickness resting in her belly. “Please, let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?”
“Okay.” Jo agreed, not wanting to hurt her friend. She would do everything she could to prevent the spotlight of speculation it would all cause. She watched her lead out of the kitchen, recognizing fleeting pain as she turned away.
“They’re talking about an income tax. Last I heard Lincoln was spewing garbage about needing it to fund all the expenses fighting us has caused. If we’re lucky enough, finances will win this war without us having to put much back into it.” Eve watched as Freddy and Wesley continued to debate; her husband’s leaning body tilted in the wooden stools.
As Jo took a seat beside her husband, a baby suckling on fruit caught Eve’s attention. She settled the last plate in front of Nancy. “Here you are Nance. You have to eat too.” She said to her with a smile knowing her love for the twin girls that were not her own knew no bounds.
She waved her away with a sun-withered hand. “It’s no bother. My boys used to be hungry all the time, just like them. Still they got it all over their faces, instead of in their mouths.” She said with a sad smile in return, tilting the spoon into Lacey’s mouth as Katie clapped her hands together. “They would have hated it here. Always complained Louisiana was too hot. Now we live in a real desert!”
She nodded her head as she reminisced about her children. It broke her heart every time she heard the devastation thinking of them caused her. If Eve had been there the monsters who took them wouldn’t have gotten away with it. “I’m glad you’re here. Desert or not.” She said with a squeeze to her shoulder, reassuring her that anything further would be taken care of by her personally.
Liam came in with a heavy swing to the front doors; a sound of reckless clattering permeated as they hit the wall behind them. He kicked mud off of his large brown boots with equally aggressive grunting. Eve saw him look up from his struggle, unsurprised when a smile widened across his face when he spotted the crowded table. He moved quickly to the table next to Wesley and reached a dirty hand to the biscuits in front of him. “Daddy!” She yelled with warning as she ran to him and slapped his hand away. “Wash yourself first!” She demanded as she pointed upstairs, no room left for debate.
Liam sucked his teeth at her while he shook his head. He looked to Wesley who hid his laughing smile behind his ring hand. “Just like her mother. It’s not too late to run you know? I wish I had had warning, son.”
Wesley bit his lip to keep from replying as she glared at him. “Better you than me Liam. We can only piss her off one at a time.” He kept laughing as she hit his shoulder, Freddy and Jo joined in. He hugged her waist as she stood close to him.
Genevieve removed Wesley’s hat from his head and ran her fingers through his blonde locks. She touched the tip of his nose softly as he looked up at her. “And güvenilir bahis how is my son the Sheriff?” She turned her head as Kelley came down the stairs, flaunting a new teal dress that clung close to her body.
Wesley reached for her hand as she came closer, holding it out to him. He kissed the back of it as she took a seat next to him. “Marvelous each day she’ll have me Mama.” He let Eve’s waist go as she took a seat on the other side of him. She placed a kiss on his cheek.
Kelley slipped a hand from the front of her dress, pulling papers from it. “Happy to hear it. By the way Wesley, here are the plans we talked about. Now I know I said teak for the flooring, but now I’m thinking Bocote. Do you think you can tell your contractor that?”
He nodded as she handed it to him. He was glad Eve possessed not even a fraction of her adoptive mother’s fine taste. She would be able to spend three lifetimes worth of fortune in a few months. “Of course.”
Eve looked between them both as everyone else began eating. Liam stomped away angrily to wash himself. “Speak to a contractor for what?” As Wesley looked away and played with his egg instead, she narrowed her eyes at her mother. “What are you sucking him into now Kelley?”
Kelley popped her fan as she rolled her eyes. “Oh hush. He’s just helping me with a little something. Nothing to worry about. How have things been for you Jo?” She questioned hurriedly to keep her from prying further.
“Mama.” She cut Jo off before she could answer. She wouldn’t allow her to use a distraction to escape.
Jo quieted instantly. She was to stay far from in between them when they disagreed. She gave Wesley a look of pity.
“Christ, Genevieve. I’m opening my boutique in the old smiths spot. It’s nothing to be upset over.” She said as she dismissed her growing anger. What was another thousand dollars if it meant she could live her dream?
Wesley looked to his wife and held her shoulders. She looked ready to bust from withholding her words. He knew they had talked about cutting their spending because of how unpredictable everyone’s finances were, but he only wanted for his family to be happy. After his own parents passed, he hadn’t thought he would get another chance to repay those who loved him. But now was not the time for the argument he was sure they were about to have. “We’ll talk more about it later.”
She listened as he whispered to her, his hand passed on the support she needed. She wanted nothing more for her mother to finally take a break and live for herself. But it was necessary for them all to conserve. To make matters worse, she had been spending abundantly since their marriage, as if Wesley’s money was her own. “Okay.” She whispered back to him, keeping him to his promise.
Liam took a seat as he wiped his wet hands on his pants. He kissed Kelley’s cheek as she picked at the scarce plate in front of her. He looked around at the unhappy faces around the round solid oak table and wondered what had happened in his absence. “Did somebody die?” He questioned as he dug in.
Eve sighed, picking her own fork up. “No daddy. Wesley and Freddy were just talking about the tax law Lincoln wants.” She pretended she was interested as they continued.
Wesley nodded. “Nothing will come of it. Maybe after the war, or if the Union grasps some solid ground. But right now there’s just no room for it to go through. There’s too much disunity and unrest. The Confederacy doesn’t need it yet anyway, there’s a lot of blood money fueling the necessities right now, how much longer they can do it, we’ll have to see. But eventually, they’ll run out of funds, and they’ll try to do the same.”
Freddy joined in. “It’s true. Our daddies print their literature back home. Ladies are selling off house and home with their men away—jewelry, anything they can gather. You’re lucky you’re out of the business Wes, plantations are seeing hard times too.”
He sipped his water casually. His financial being wasn’t the only reason he was glad he no longer owned Bluegrass. “The Union can do whatever they want with it now. Although I don’t think they’ll be occupying it anytime soon.” It was cursed land. He only hoped that eventually, it fell into the right hands.
Jo took a break from chewing. “It’s admirable—what you did. Walking away from all that while you were so young, and you still came out here to make a name for yourself. It takes a lot of courage to take that kind of risk. Do you ever miss it?”
He gave her a small smile. “Only the flowers. The spring magnolia trees, and the lavender. But, I would give it all up again to be here.” Every part of him wished he could take Eve to see them; to share their sweet memories with his most cherished gift, her.
“I never asked you, but why bounty hunting? That’s quite a career jump.” Kelley added, leaning in as they switched topics.
He shrugged. “I just fell into it. A sheriff’s deputy from Texas asked for my help at a parlor, and it just went from there. It was all small time until I met Phil. He came through our town and robbed the town treasurer. When I found him he was damn convincing. It turned out he had stiffed him on a deal after he cleared out a bandit encampment for them. He was better connected than I was, and knew how to get the better bounties so we set off together for awhile.”